Here in Florida

In the beginning I wasn't having such a hot time. Becca has a new boyfriend, Aaron, and I forgot she's not the best at including others when shes with a boyfriend. I know she doesn't see him all that often and the haven't been going steady that long, but this is my vacation too. Plus these are her friends and I'm not sure how I feel about them. I wasn't planning on spending this much alone time. Hopefully she'll get over it and be better the rest of the vacation. I also get the feeling Aaron doesn't especially like me.

Disney World was pretty great. Harold fucked up so I had to pay full price, which sucked but I guess that's how it goes. We went to two parks a day; MGM and The Magic Kingdom on the first day and The Animal Kingdom and Epcot the second. The motel we stayed at was iffy but cheap, and close, so I didn't mind. We got a slow start both days but still managed to go on everything we wanted to (except Peter Pan D:).

Tomorrow I see Phil. I can't wait but am also nervous. He's meeting me in Lake Placid, which is closer for me. He also sounded excited on the phone which hopefully means he misses me. Uhg I hate myself sometimes.

Becca's also being a big hypocrite on this trip. Last time we were in Florida I was newly dating Jeremy and felt the need to talk to him about an hour each night. This doesn't sound like too much to me but Becca made it a huge issue. Now the tables have turned and her boyfriend is here yet she still has to text him when he's not around. Her mom texts her all day, which I don't blame her for, but skyping with Aarushi is crossing the line. Hypocrite.

I hate everyone

I am having one of those days where I hate everyone.
Every
single
person
And the way the solve this problem, being with people. Sophie and I are going to Kenosha. I marvel at my genius sometimes. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be there, I don't want to be anywhere. Hopefully Avery will make me happy

Sometimes... I'm crazy

Today was shit. It was supposed to be great but it was shit. I woke up, it was sunny, and I finished and turned in my paper. Then I donated plasma and when I left it was dark and cold. I invited Alex to come over and smoke after he got off of work. He was closing, but I thought that meant he got off at like 4:30 so I rushed and cleaned my place SUPER good. Problem one: I am my Mother's daughter. That's all I could think about while I was madly cleaning for someone I didn't but I couldn't stop. Alex doesn't text or show so I figure I got time, WRONG. He texts my fifteen minutes after I get to Becca's and I have to go. For some reason it wasn't an option. I fucking ran to meet him. I was super late, he had to wait outside and I was sweating. I am so weird, but like I said, it wasn't an option. It's not that he's great or that I like him; in fact I'm super awkward around him and don't know what to say. We looked at my records and got stoned. Then got more stoned. We talked about music and drank tea and it was nice, but I was weird. Something was off, me. I didn't feel myself and I don't know what caused it or how to make it stop. I think I'm crazy or had a flashback induced by the exercise, or what. How am I supposed to be happy if I can't be myself?

Then I tried to hang out with Seppa and he said he was doing 'V games'. He wouldn't tell me what that meant so I assumed he was with a girl. WRONG. V games=video games. I'm such an idiot. I'm sure I freaked him out. WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?

Day three

Day three of cuddling, God I love this. Cuddling is my meth and I can't get enough of it. Sleeping alone is the worst part of you-know-who leaving