Today was shit. It was supposed to be great but it was shit. I woke up, it was sunny, and I finished and turned in my paper. Then I donated plasma and when I left it was dark and cold. I invited Alex to come over and smoke after he got off of work. He was closing, but I thought that meant he got off at like 4:30 so I rushed and cleaned my place SUPER good. Problem one: I am my Mother's daughter. That's all I could think about while I was madly cleaning for someone I didn't but I couldn't stop. Alex doesn't text or show so I figure I got time, WRONG. He texts my fifteen minutes after I get to Becca's and I have to go. For some reason it wasn't an option. I fucking ran to meet him. I was super late, he had to wait outside and I was sweating. I am so weird, but like I said, it wasn't an option. It's not that he's great or that I like him; in fact I'm super awkward around him and don't know what to say. We looked at my records and got stoned. Then got more stoned. We talked about music and drank tea and it was nice, but I was weird. Something was off, me. I didn't feel myself and I don't know what caused it or how to make it stop. I think I'm crazy or had a flashback induced by the exercise, or what. How am I supposed to be happy if I can't be myself?
Then I tried to hang out with Seppa and he said he was doing 'V games'. He wouldn't tell me what that meant so I assumed he was with a girl. WRONG. V games=video games. I'm such an idiot. I'm sure I freaked him out. WHAT DO I DO? HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?
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