Silver fox

I went to Alex's band, The Cloth Sea, practice last night. I got really lost and had to call a few times for directions, which was embarrassing. Alex lives with his brother and his girlfriend and I think that's it. They're nice. I talked to the girlfriend and she graduated and is about to start school to be a lawyer. She was sweet and I'm glad we talked. They also have a Dachshund named Sheriff and she's absolutely adorable, but apparently has a problem peeing when she get too much 'Sheriff time'. I thought I was late but Andrew didn't come til a little bit later. Andrews the other kid who works at the plasma place and he's pretty cute/nice, which surprises me because at first glance I though he was a major douche. Alex was nice but I ended up spending more time with Andrew and he invited me out with them after the show on Monday. Alex was talkative but possibly kind of nervous. He's also so tiny! Like a stick in tight pants, a bit of girly shirt and a beard that just pulls the whole thing together. But it's cute. I think he might have been trying to impress me, which I don't mind. Alex and Andrew are cool but they invited this other kid they work with who doesn't fit in at all, and they openly said they brought him for the jokes. This is mean but dude needs to take a hint. There was also this girl named Sam. She's nice and pretty and I think her and Alex had a thing because I got 'the vibe' but for once I didn't get filled up with jealously. It was mature of me and I think everyone would've thought less of me if I had. It felt good. Alex's band was good, which kind of surprised me. Their house is all nice and clean which makes me more embarrassed of my place and the fact that I puked in their garbage. Hey, the bathroom was busy and it had to come out. I got way too drunk. Luckily Andrew gave me a ride home kinda early so I didn't get the chance to pass out on a couch (like I always do). He didn't want to give me a ride at first but I didn't really pressure him so I don't feel bad. Alex gave me a hug when I left, and I couldn't tell what kind of hug it was but it was nice all the same.

I woke up with the worst hang over of my life, or at least top three. Alex texted me and said he had fun and that we should hang out again. Sweet. And I found out he graduated high school in '04, thanks to my skills. That's not too bad, hopefully

Regrets for the night:
Not getting there sooner/Making Becca late
Smoking too many cigs
Not being more confident
Drinking too much
Puking in their kitchen garbage, ew
Not talking to Alex more (?)

I think I might have a thing for old men and it kinda weirds me out. I always imagined I would end up with an older guy but, as usual, real life feels/turns out different than in my dreams. I feel embarrassed of my age which is ridiculous and only makes it more awkward. I am who I am and there's nothing I can do to change it, so why be embarrassed? I try to embrace this but I still have doubts. Why do they like me, do I go for the perverts? Maybe the problem is I'm clinging too much to my youth. I've always tried to rush and grow up faster but at the same time always assumed I'd stay young (if that makes sense). When I think of future myself, I imagine a beautiful classy lady with a smooth skin and a youthful laugh. Like one of those ladies that works better in her older age, more happy, put together and overall more attractive. In reality my laugh is ridiculous and my skin is not smooth now, so odds are that it is only going to get worse. I am probably going to end up an ugly, wrinkly, bitter, old woman. I pity the fool that ends up marrying me.

Becca left this morning and I miss her already. We don't see each other all that much, but just the fact that I can't makes me miss her. I can see her whenever, whereas Aaron can't so I suppose it's only fair and I'm sure she'll have fun. Aaron wins this battle but I'll get the next one