Phini & Annex

Oh god, where to start!

Babysat Bubba (answers better to Bubba than Phini)
day 1
he was great we stayed inside, except park, cleaned kitchen, Ian's interview, made freudian slip and young money bike reference, super cute interviewer who looks like Christian from Topher's place
day 2
went on walk, went to park, he fell asleep on me on his belly facing my feet, peed on himself while napping, took a bath-he LOVED it, hung out with Sophie and Kyle
day 3
I was tired in the morning then we went to the big park for two hours where he made friends with everyone and I pretended he was my son, he took a short nap and was cranky but I didnt coddle, he loves me, got Ian's job!

Was going to hang out with Alex but I got antsy and went to the Annex, saw that1guy, saw Mo, saw Shayna, Alessio and Jessica, got hit on my by old TALL guy, danced, saw Henry, Marta and Maggie, made fun of funny guys hand gestures, had fun with Jessica

Now Pats supposed to pick me up

Thoughts While Cleaning

I've been cleaning all morning and it feels pretty good; almost therapeutic. I've only conquered the (once very gross) kitchen and living room. Uhg I want to clean my bathroom and room (which is the big job) but it's getting late, I'm getting tired of this and I now have the urge to dirty things. Things don't get this way because I'm gross, I'm actually a fairly clean person, I just procrastinate and don't have anyone else to worry about. I mean, I wash my hands, clean my hair, worry about germs and bugs, and clean messes at other people's homes.

I've also been listening to This American Life. The woman in the '95 'Liars' episode describes my feels for Phil, and what happened, perfectly. The only difference is he kept contact with her and we didn't talk about marriage or kids.

House Sitting

Ashleys house sitting her cousins place this weekend so we're staying the night. She took me out to Pasquals, which was very nice of her, and delicious. We got burritos and margaritas and I didn't get carded! Ashley knew the waitress but I still like to think it's due to my skills. I took a nap around ten and now I'm wide awake. I'd wake Ash up but shes gotta work tomorrow. We watched Double Jeopardy with Ashley Judd. It was so good! Did not see any of that coming. We also tried to play with the cats and guinea pigs but that didn't really work out. I finally devised a plan to block the door and get a pig. He wasn't too happy about that and eventually peed on me. The Becca and I watched Go For Zucker this morning. It was also surprisingly good. Except Becca's on a role with gay German flicks haha. I still have that pizza btw, but not for long

I also turned in the Gumby's and Ian's applications today

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

'she did everything she could just to
to make him love & treat her good
she found herself alone
askin’ herself where did she go wrong
she didn’t realize
she chased the type of guys
that don’t believe in ties
tryin’ to apologize'

This morning I had a revaluation while listening to Young Money (I know, whoda thought...): I should only chase boys who are up for a relationship
I'm not really sure what that entails on their part but I need to be honest with myself, & celibate. In the past I thought I wasn't chasing this breed because they had a past girlfriend they were crazy about, but alas, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I now know this & it's time to move forward!
Sarah Guidelines:
-A few resent ex-girlfriends (not just one)
-Some time between last girlfriend
-They can't be in love with anyone; if they are don't bring it up like you know you do
-No kissing or sexual acts; will power!
-No biting, period. I'm done with that phase of my life & it's time to leave it behind
-Exclusive, I do not share!
-If something changes, let them go
-Be cool (for lack of a better term), not giggly or an open book
-Be honest, no games
-Don't be desperate/expect a relationship right away (remember how things took forever with Phil? Be patient ;])
-Be independent. Don't expect to get a boy until you get your shit together, this includes a job, schooling & mental state
-Think positive but realistic
-Be interesting, mature & real

I suppose I can still be friends with the playa types but only that: friends; nothing sexual (including kisses)

FL: The Aftermath

I miss Florida. I miss the sunshine, I miss the beach, I miss Becca, I miss never being alone, I miss Phil, I miss Disney World, I miss cooking, I miss watching Arrested Development, I miss the pool, I miss driving, I know Becca misses Aaron....
There are few things I don't miss. Basically that air mattress and the obnoxious Jews
Yup that's about it
I've become an addict

The Ride Back

We're back. The drive was sooo long. It felt like at least three times as long as the initial trip down there. Becca and I ate at Ruby Tuesday's-a knock off of TGIF-and had a great meal at a great deal. We also decided to have a food competition; one where we can only eat a meal of our choice until one of us breaks. We both chose salads, its starts tomorrow, and I can't wait. I originally said I was would do pasta, fruit or gummy bears but all of those would cause me, if this goes on for any length of time, to either get fat or pass out from lack of nutrients.

I'm sure whats happening in my mind about Phil. I had a great time with him and he seems to be doing really well, and this makes me happy and sad. I love that he's doing what he set out to do but this means he will never come back. I started missing him the moment I left his neighborhood. This feels like closure but in the sense that I've put the hope for us, along with my heart, to rest. Before the trip he was a constant sad haze over my life, now I feel lighter but uncontrollably start crying every time I even mention his name. It's embarrassing I've to carry eye drops and can't wear makeup. Before there was a heavy stone now there's nothing. My chest literally feels empty. I'm not sure what's worse.

He didn't kiss me or try to do anything physical. I don't know what that means. I almost wish he had, or at least tried to kiss me. I suppose that would have made it more painful. He didn't fight my cuddling; he acted as if he'd been expecting me hours, possibly days. He grabbed my hand, and kissed it at one point. It was so nice. He told his Aunt we wouldn't sleep together (and we didn't) but I don't think his Aunt was mad when she saw us in the morning. I mean who could be upset at the sight of two young, fully clothed, sleeping adults cuddling with each other. I'm sure we looked so cute and content. He was weird when we got up. When he said goodbye he acted like it was the last time I would ever see him, but in final way not a sad one.

Now I feel lighter, ready to take on whatever with ease. I want to do things but not with the anxiety of rushing. I can talk and cuddle with Seppa and feel happy, but not weighed down by emotion. I no longer see Phil in my apartment. Everything's back to normal, better than normal, except the uncontrollable crying and being almost homesick for Florida.