My Mom texted me this morning that South Pacific was TCM. I was knitting and watching it and then Mom and I texted for a bit. We talked about our favorite songs and how bla bla looks like my Mom's old Barbie doll. I told her how Dad loved the song 'Happy Talk' and how he introduced me to the movie. Apparently she didn't know about any of that, which surprised me. He called me the other day. I accidentally answered my phone before I realized it was him, so I hung up on him. I never meant to be rude like that but I don't want to talk to him. I also wouldn't normally answer and hang up the phone because I like to hear the voicemails. I wonder what he's thinking. I know he misses me but I want to know if he's sorry or excepts that somethings wrong. I've been missing him lately. It's not time yet. Ideally I'd like to wait a year and a half after graduation, but the soonest I'd be willing to cheat is after English is over with. I can't take the risk of getting sad when there's schoolwork to be done. Its surprising me how soon this is going through my mind. I always thought he wouldn't cross my mind for ten years but I'm obviously not that strong.
I'm watching 'Teen Mom'. It makes me sad :/ But Ashley, Michael and LA are coming over to play cards. It should be fun and I'm excited.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Plasma and bad brownies
Today I had a English presentation and it kicked ass. I wore my glasses and it made me feel smart. It was me, Rachael and Tara. My job was to analyze the vocabulary and voice and I think I did a nice job. Ms. Redfield and a few other people complimented me and it felt nice.
Then I donated and Alex talked to me a bunch.He said he liked my glasses. He's such a cutie. We talked about his band and gypsy jazz and he brought me over a crossword he had been working on. It was taped to a piece of cardboard, he's so sweet. He helped me with my machine and I asked him if he was authorized to do that because he didn't have a lab coat, he thought that was funny. Before I left he invited me to his next show, but its not til March. It's at The High Noon Saloon and I really hope it's open to all ages because that would be embarrassing if it was 21+. Damn I wish he'd ask me out. I don't even care about the beard.
I made brownies for my dinner with Quinn and they turned out terrible! The were too stiff and stuck to the pan, it was embarrassing. Quinn made a pasta dish that was super good. We also watched 'Young Frankenstein' which is super funny but I fell asleep a bunch of times. Yet another embarrassing feet, fuck my life. Overall the date was kind of boring but I guess you can't win 'em all. He didn't make a move, even though he walked me home. I find this super weird. I hope he's not waiting for me to because he's going to be waiting a long time...
Then I donated and Alex talked to me a bunch.He said he liked my glasses. He's such a cutie. We talked about his band and gypsy jazz and he brought me over a crossword he had been working on. It was taped to a piece of cardboard, he's so sweet. He helped me with my machine and I asked him if he was authorized to do that because he didn't have a lab coat, he thought that was funny. Before I left he invited me to his next show, but its not til March. It's at The High Noon Saloon and I really hope it's open to all ages because that would be embarrassing if it was 21+. Damn I wish he'd ask me out. I don't even care about the beard.
I made brownies for my dinner with Quinn and they turned out terrible! The were too stiff and stuck to the pan, it was embarrassing. Quinn made a pasta dish that was super good. We also watched 'Young Frankenstein' which is super funny but I fell asleep a bunch of times. Yet another embarrassing feet, fuck my life. Overall the date was kind of boring but I guess you can't win 'em all. He didn't make a move, even though he walked me home. I find this super weird. I hope he's not waiting for me to because he's going to be waiting a long time...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
"She reads at a sophmore level"
I went ice skating with Topher and Pat. We only skated for like an hour because it was so damn cold! My coat button buttons popped off which sucked, but I only fell once and it was Topher's fault. He was pulling me and took too sharp of a turn and I hit my nose on his shoulder and fell on my butt. It was cold so it didn't really hurt but I gave him shit anyway. When we got back I met his new roommate Jeff, who seemed to take a liking to me. Damn newb. He wouldn't stop saying I looked like Michael Pifer in Batman Returns before she turns into Catwoman. I found this flattering but obnoxious after a while. He's funny but also 23. I think Christian got a little jealous, sucka. They all made fun of my glasses super bad but I didn't really care. I wasn't in a sensitive mood so it was all good. Then Topher had a 'date' with this older woman from his work. I think he was trying to make me jealous. I really don't care, I just like going over there. Christian gave me a ride home and I ended my night with slice of pizza. Classic.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Urban Package
My Urban orders came today. My first package at own place, what a nice way to wake up! I snagged a bunch of good deals. I bought earrings, a necklace, gloves, a shirt, a dress and six pairs of glasses, but I'm going to return the other five I don't like. The earrings small, round, white studs with yellow roses, the necklace is a mini-spyglass with a big chain and the gloves are blue, elbow length and knit, the shirt is a generic Urban v-neck with a Polaroid picture and some writing and the dress is a mini with a colorful flower print and fat zipper. All the glasses are black, thick rimmed
I found the same glasses I had before, but in brown, and that's probably the pair I'm choosing. I can't stop wearing them, that and my orange, knit hunting hat. Sometimes I wonder about myself :/
I found the same glasses I had before, but in brown, and that's probably the pair I'm choosing. I can't stop wearing them, that and my orange, knit hunting hat. Sometimes I wonder about myself :/
Real Problems
This my English essay #1, I had to write a piece about an event or idea that was important to me. I'd like to dedicate this post to Aarushi. It's hard for me to write anything and so I appreciate the support. I'll post her feedback on Friday or so
In the words of Richard Carlson “Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff.” Some people have troubles. Some people were born with them while others just develop them later in life. To be honest, I am not one of either of these types of people. I mean, I have troubles but they are nothing in comparison to citizens of third world countries, doctors, drug addicts, soldiers or even bums. I do not think it particularly matters how their problems came to be, what matters is that they are real. I am a young, healthy, white, middle class women living in a safe, liberal city.
My real problems are virtually nonexistent. I do not struggle with hunger, drugs, violence, or abusive parents. The only problems I have are self inflicted. I choose to eat fatty foods that give me acne, I choose to be with people that hurt me, I choose to skip class and I choose to put harmful substances in my body. No one forces me to make these decisions, au contraire, I am constantly encouraged to stay away from these negative aspects of life and make healthy choices. These problems may feel real to me and make me unhappy, but they are all my own fault and could easily be fixed by doing what I know is right. Even if I get skin cancer, which I consider a ‘real’ problem, I would only have myself to blame because I use tanning booths and rarely apply the appropriate amount of sunscreen before stepping out into the beautiful sun. Another example of this phenomenon is how I stress out about not being able to find a job but in all actuality I do not need one. All having one would do is provide some extra cash and something stable in in my life other than school. The fact that the problems may or may not be real does not stop me from being bothered or halt my pursuit. What separates me from other people is that I have the luxury to worry about issues that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
In the past few months I have found a major flaw in myself: I am lazy. I would much rather sit in my apartment and watch television, listen to music or hang out with my friends than do something productive like my homework, reading a difficult book or even cleaning my kitchen. I did not used to be this way and I am not sure how it developed into the massive problem it has become. If I was more proactive I would rediscover things I used to love like art, reading and running. Again, I am not quite sure when I lost site of these loves. No doubt it was probably around the same time I found laziness. Not only would I eliminate a lot bad things by being more productive, I would also not have time to ponder how stupid my problems really are.
While I do not wish I had real problems, I want to understand and possibly help the people who do. As I was writing this essay, I heard about the shocking earthquake in Haiti from MSNBC. The sheer mass of destruction was enough to make me become transfixed by the television and have an urge to text the number on the screen to donate money to the cause. These people have real problems, this will be a mess to clean up for the ages. I feel for all the people who not only lost their loved ones but also their homes as well. This was obviously unplanned and unexpected so there are now hundreds of thousands of people who are hungry, thirsty, alone and with no place to go. I think it is safe to say this is a worst case scenario and things do not seem
to be getting better. These people are living my nightmare and I feel for them.
My question of the severity of everyday problems is a fairly resent thought for me and has been hard to except. I understand that many other young people may not agree with my opinions, seeing as how we all want our struggles to be validated and seem difficult. All the same, I feel my thoughts are legitimate. I realize my thoughts may be brutally honest and could be misconstrued as extreme, but I am trying to ask a logical question. How important are our problems? Like many others, I am not sure what is truly important in this world or what exactly constitutes a ‘real’ problem, but I am confident I have made it clear what is not. All people have troubles but we should ask ourselves are they troubled souls or do they just take frivolous aspects of their lives too seriously? Consequentially it takes hold of their health and happiness. In my opinion, life is generally swell and people need to revaluate their ‘problems’ and keep sight of what is really important.
In the words of Richard Carlson “Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s all small stuff.” Some people have troubles. Some people were born with them while others just develop them later in life. To be honest, I am not one of either of these types of people. I mean, I have troubles but they are nothing in comparison to citizens of third world countries, doctors, drug addicts, soldiers or even bums. I do not think it particularly matters how their problems came to be, what matters is that they are real. I am a young, healthy, white, middle class women living in a safe, liberal city.
My real problems are virtually nonexistent. I do not struggle with hunger, drugs, violence, or abusive parents. The only problems I have are self inflicted. I choose to eat fatty foods that give me acne, I choose to be with people that hurt me, I choose to skip class and I choose to put harmful substances in my body. No one forces me to make these decisions, au contraire, I am constantly encouraged to stay away from these negative aspects of life and make healthy choices. These problems may feel real to me and make me unhappy, but they are all my own fault and could easily be fixed by doing what I know is right. Even if I get skin cancer, which I consider a ‘real’ problem, I would only have myself to blame because I use tanning booths and rarely apply the appropriate amount of sunscreen before stepping out into the beautiful sun. Another example of this phenomenon is how I stress out about not being able to find a job but in all actuality I do not need one. All having one would do is provide some extra cash and something stable in in my life other than school. The fact that the problems may or may not be real does not stop me from being bothered or halt my pursuit. What separates me from other people is that I have the luxury to worry about issues that do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
In the past few months I have found a major flaw in myself: I am lazy. I would much rather sit in my apartment and watch television, listen to music or hang out with my friends than do something productive like my homework, reading a difficult book or even cleaning my kitchen. I did not used to be this way and I am not sure how it developed into the massive problem it has become. If I was more proactive I would rediscover things I used to love like art, reading and running. Again, I am not quite sure when I lost site of these loves. No doubt it was probably around the same time I found laziness. Not only would I eliminate a lot bad things by being more productive, I would also not have time to ponder how stupid my problems really are.
While I do not wish I had real problems, I want to understand and possibly help the people who do. As I was writing this essay, I heard about the shocking earthquake in Haiti from MSNBC. The sheer mass of destruction was enough to make me become transfixed by the television and have an urge to text the number on the screen to donate money to the cause. These people have real problems, this will be a mess to clean up for the ages. I feel for all the people who not only lost their loved ones but also their homes as well. This was obviously unplanned and unexpected so there are now hundreds of thousands of people who are hungry, thirsty, alone and with no place to go. I think it is safe to say this is a worst case scenario and things do not seem
to be getting better. These people are living my nightmare and I feel for them.
My question of the severity of everyday problems is a fairly resent thought for me and has been hard to except. I understand that many other young people may not agree with my opinions, seeing as how we all want our struggles to be validated and seem difficult. All the same, I feel my thoughts are legitimate. I realize my thoughts may be brutally honest and could be misconstrued as extreme, but I am trying to ask a logical question. How important are our problems? Like many others, I am not sure what is truly important in this world or what exactly constitutes a ‘real’ problem, but I am confident I have made it clear what is not. All people have troubles but we should ask ourselves are they troubled souls or do they just take frivolous aspects of their lives too seriously? Consequentially it takes hold of their health and happiness. In my opinion, life is generally swell and people need to revaluate their ‘problems’ and keep sight of what is really important.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
No more fbook
Or at least for a week. Blogspot will have to do til then
Look what I found. I wonder if this was what Becca was trying to the other day at the gym haha
http://current.com/items/90039001_physics-win-gif.htm
Happy Birthday, Phil
Look what I found. I wonder if this was what Becca was trying to the other day at the gym haha
http://current.com/items/90039001_physics-win-gif.htm
Happy Birthday, Phil
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I want a baby
Or a man would do. When I was little, all I ever wanted to do was fall in love. I always thought I'd be one of those girls who gets married right out of high school and then start a family. Well high school has come and gone with not much progress on the relationship frontier. Sure I've learned about boys and games, which I never appreciated much anyway, but that information isn't much use once you're in college/the real world and dealing with (hopefully) men and commitment. I guess I'm not as mature as I always thought I was. But I know I'm real. Maybe at times I wonder/question/have no idea who I am but I try to mean everything I say. Like I said that vary from one minute to the next but they're still honest feelings. I also try to love myself, because that's one person I'm stuck with til the end, but that doesn't always hold up either. I'm a bit of a restless soul, I'm young and change is natural so I guess it's not that big of a deal. Hypothetically, everything will fall into place when I'm "ready" and stop pining after Prince Charming. But I'm so impatient!
I also kinda miss high school, is that bad?
I also kinda miss high school, is that bad?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
And yeah I miss you too
He said he missed me. Today I was a Quinn's house and Seppa's sister said something that her boy did that was cute and that showed that he likes her and I almost said "Yeah my boy said he misses me" but luckily stopped myself for obvious reasons. That could've been awkward. But I miss him so much
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Thoughts I can't help but having
Yesterday was my date with Quinn. We saw 'Sherlock Holmes' at Point and he paid which was very nice of him. I had a lot of fun but I'd already seen the movie and he said hes not a movie talker so I didnt say anything during the movie. After the movie we hung out at Seppa's for a bit before class and Seppa made potpesto, with lots of oil and butter, which I later found out made me sick. I had a stomach ache at Urban today and I get one every time I eat. I know, a fate worse than death. Especially when I have homemade chili and spaghetti in my fridge. Oh the agony. Overall, it was a nice date but Quinns not my type and I decided I don't like him like that.
Today was the Urban inventory day and I got there close enough to on time. Five in the a.m. is much too early. The people there were nice. Gillian (the tiny manager) is gorgeous and adorable in a weird Liza Minelli/Elizabeth Taylor kind of a way. Our group got one twenty minute break and I was there from five to three but I got sit on the floor a lot so it could've been worse. I talked with the girls during break. They were really nice, I don't think they especially did or didn't want to talk to me but they liked some of the stuff I had to say. One of the girls was talking about going to NYC and we started talking about meeting famous people ad I told them about Halloween and meeting Cage The Elephant's backup guitarist. They knew who they were and seemed disappointed (like me) that he was an ass. Later, I started a nice talk about decade resolutions. Overall it was successful but, sadly, I don't think they'll be offering me a job.
Tophers a stupid drunk jealous loser. Thats what that whole house is full of, bros. on the other hand, I hate that I don't want to share them. I don't want to mix worlds and perceptions of me. I like those things in neat little boxes that I can control to my liking. I don't want people I don't trust mucking in my new affairs. I want them for myself and I don't want them to see through to the truth. The truth that I'm a scared, immature, loser who likes to put on different people to suit my mood and confidence level.
I'd also like to say I'm very excited that the Beccas back and that I'm kickin' it with her :D
I'm sorry that I've hurt you but I know I felt it needed to be done
I keep having this varying reoccurring dream where something happens and I either fight or run away but I can't do either very well. It's all in slow motion and I can't speed up or gain momentum. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough. It feels like I'm moving through heavy sand. And while I'm in the process of punching/running I feel shame and hopelessness because I'm pathetic and know it's going to suck and can't do even slightly better. The harder I try the harder it is to move. Phil also randomly pops up in these dreams as either a bystander/presence or the person I'm trying to hurt, but can't.
I have to buy a Helix pipe. Now I just need to find a place that sells it
Today was the Urban inventory day and I got there close enough to on time. Five in the a.m. is much too early. The people there were nice. Gillian (the tiny manager) is gorgeous and adorable in a weird Liza Minelli/Elizabeth Taylor kind of a way. Our group got one twenty minute break and I was there from five to three but I got sit on the floor a lot so it could've been worse. I talked with the girls during break. They were really nice, I don't think they especially did or didn't want to talk to me but they liked some of the stuff I had to say. One of the girls was talking about going to NYC and we started talking about meeting famous people ad I told them about Halloween and meeting Cage The Elephant's backup guitarist. They knew who they were and seemed disappointed (like me) that he was an ass. Later, I started a nice talk about decade resolutions. Overall it was successful but, sadly, I don't think they'll be offering me a job.
Tophers a stupid drunk jealous loser. Thats what that whole house is full of, bros. on the other hand, I hate that I don't want to share them. I don't want to mix worlds and perceptions of me. I like those things in neat little boxes that I can control to my liking. I don't want people I don't trust mucking in my new affairs. I want them for myself and I don't want them to see through to the truth. The truth that I'm a scared, immature, loser who likes to put on different people to suit my mood and confidence level.
I'd also like to say I'm very excited that the Beccas back and that I'm kickin' it with her :D
I'm sorry that I've hurt you but I know I felt it needed to be done
I keep having this varying reoccurring dream where something happens and I either fight or run away but I can't do either very well. It's all in slow motion and I can't speed up or gain momentum. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough. It feels like I'm moving through heavy sand. And while I'm in the process of punching/running I feel shame and hopelessness because I'm pathetic and know it's going to suck and can't do even slightly better. The harder I try the harder it is to move. Phil also randomly pops up in these dreams as either a bystander/presence or the person I'm trying to hurt, but can't.
I have to buy a Helix pipe. Now I just need to find a place that sells it
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
HE SAID YES
PHIL ACCEPTED! Oh fuck does that make me so happy. In Sarah-crazytalk this means he misses me....? Oh god do I hope so. He seems so lonely, Im sure he just wants to have people he knows. But I dont care! I MISS HIM, I MISS HIM, I MISS HIM, I MISS HIM, I MISS HIM, I MISS HIM, I MISS HIM, I MISS so much. Its been weird because Ive been forgetting things about him, his presence is really leaving. This is both good and bad, but Im not ready to let go yet. I feel crazy but I dont care!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Resolutions
I was donating and one of the staff asked me what my 'decade resolution' is and I realized I don't have any resolutions. I decided I'm going to try and come up with some good resolutions before the 1st week ends of the new year
Resolutions for 2010:
1. Make myself truly happy
2. Quit smoking cigs
3. Get a job
4. Look nice
5. Clean more often
6. Eat less
7. Walk more
8. Be nice
9. Eat fiber
10. See more movies (in theaters)
Decade Resolutions: Have a house and a family
Resolutions for 2010:
1. Make myself truly happy
2. Quit smoking cigs
3. Get a job
4. Look nice
5. Clean more often
6. Eat less
7. Walk more
8. Be nice
9. Eat fiber
10. See more movies (in theaters)
Decade Resolutions: Have a house and a family
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Message to Phil
I'm having a wonderful morning! Urban called and offered a temp day job which I'm super excited about. I also made Ashley breakfast (eggs in a basket). Oh what a day this will be
...
So I'm sitting here with Ash and was thinking about Phillip and decided to message him this. I don't miss him especially right now so I'm feeling level headed. But I do want him in my life. Things are well but I'm not all here, there's something missing and I know it's him. I think the message is not pushy or desperate yet still hopeful, which is what I was going for. We'll see what happens.
"Hey I know things didn't end well but can we try talking again, please? I miss your presence in my life and I was hoping you feel the same way. Not much, but enough to want to say hello.... ? If not, I hope you're doing well (in the sunshine)"
...
So I'm sitting here with Ash and was thinking about Phillip and decided to message him this. I don't miss him especially right now so I'm feeling level headed. But I do want him in my life. Things are well but I'm not all here, there's something missing and I know it's him. I think the message is not pushy or desperate yet still hopeful, which is what I was going for. We'll see what happens.
"Hey I know things didn't end well but can we try talking again, please? I miss your presence in my life and I was hoping you feel the same way. Not much, but enough to want to say hello.... ? If not, I hope you're doing well (in the sunshine)"
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Years
Yeah my first blog of the new year! Last night me, Sophie, Kyle and these two kids from Kenosha, Alex and Dylan, went to Seppa's for New Years Eve. We drank champagne and were merry. I kissed Seppa's roommate Quinn at midnight. He's cute and we had a nice talk and I overall had a fun time. We stopped at Becky's on the way back to my house and ended up staying and dancing (which is something I never do). I must've at least been doing it kind of right because a bunch of people wanted to dance with me :D Ashley was super trashed and kissed me. She also slept with us at my place. Oh what a night
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