Thoughts I can't help but having

Yesterday was my date with Quinn. We saw 'Sherlock Holmes' at Point and he paid which was very nice of him. I had a lot of fun but I'd already seen the movie and he said hes not a movie talker so I didnt say anything during the movie. After the movie we hung out at Seppa's for a bit before class and Seppa made potpesto, with lots of oil and butter, which I later found out made me sick. I had a stomach ache at Urban today and I get one every time I eat. I know, a fate worse than death. Especially when I have homemade chili and spaghetti in my fridge. Oh the agony. Overall, it was a nice date but Quinns not my type and I decided I don't like him like that.

Today was the Urban inventory day and I got there close enough to on time. Five in the a.m. is much too early. The people there were nice. Gillian (the tiny manager) is gorgeous and adorable in a weird Liza Minelli/Elizabeth Taylor kind of a way. Our group got one twenty minute break and I was there from five to three but I got sit on the floor a lot so it could've been worse. I talked with the girls during break. They were really nice, I don't think they especially did or didn't want to talk to me but they liked some of the stuff I had to say. One of the girls was talking about going to NYC and we started talking about meeting famous people ad I told them about Halloween and meeting Cage The Elephant's backup guitarist. They knew who they were and seemed disappointed (like me) that he was an ass. Later, I started a nice talk about decade resolutions. Overall it was successful but, sadly, I don't think they'll be offering me a job.

Tophers a stupid drunk jealous loser. Thats what that whole house is full of, bros. on the other hand, I hate that I don't want to share them. I don't want to mix worlds and perceptions of me. I like those things in neat little boxes that I can control to my liking. I don't want people I don't trust mucking in my new affairs. I want them for myself and I don't want them to see through to the truth. The truth that I'm a scared, immature, loser who likes to put on different people to suit my mood and confidence level.

I'd also like to say I'm very excited that the Beccas back and that I'm kickin' it with her :D
I'm sorry that I've hurt you but I know I felt it needed to be done

I keep having this varying reoccurring dream where something happens and I either fight or run away but I can't do either very well. It's all in slow motion and I can't speed up or gain momentum. Or maybe I'm just not strong enough. It feels like I'm moving through heavy sand. And while I'm in the process of punching/running I feel shame and hopelessness because I'm pathetic and know it's going to suck and can't do even slightly better. The harder I try the harder it is to move. Phil also randomly pops up in these dreams as either a bystander/presence or the person I'm trying to hurt, but can't.

I have to buy a Helix pipe. Now I just need to find a place that sells it